9:50am Tuesday, November 3rd, 2015 changed my life
forever.
I have always been close to my mom. Not in distance (I
live in Phoenix and she in Michigan) but in heart. My mom really encouraged me,
listened to me and supported me in everything I did from moving out west, to
getting married (twice), divorced (only once) and having babies. She cared for
all 3 of my children when they were first born.
After caring for my last baby in July she went home and
wasn't feeling well. After waiting 5 (eff-ing) weeks to see her dr she was sent
for ct scans, mri's and a pet scan to see what was causing her illness.
The news was not good. I heard it on speaker phone when
she was at the oncologist office. Her cancer had come back but this time it was
in the liver, lymph nodes and spine. Fuck. Not great news to hear on speaker
phone when you can't give a hug but good to hide tears I guess.
They immediately admitted her to the hospital to have a
surgeon look at the tumor on her spine. Good news - he can operate. Great, get
that out, biopsy the type of cancer and treat it, right? Wrong. On the day of
her surgery her labs came back and her numbers were bad. See she only has one
kidney and now her liver was not functioning properly due to the cancer all
over it so her one kidney started to shut down.
The doctors tried to get it functioning but it never went
back to normal. 5 days after checking into the hospital for surgery she was
sent home to be cared for by hospice. Life expectancy - days to weeks. We all
were not ready for this but we knew we had to make each day/moment count.
On the ride home I messaged as many people as I could
think of telling them what was happening and telling them to come and see her
quick as we don't know how much time she had
left.
Family and friends started arriving shortly after we got
her home. We set her up in her room, in her bed.
My sister and I spent a lot of time with her talking,
caring for her, holding her hand and napping next to her. I was able to tell
her just how great a mother I thought she was.
How I will spend the rest of my life trying to be as good a mom to my
kids as she was to me. She told us we were doing a great job - I said that is
because we learned from the best, from her taking care of us.
I left for Phoenix 3 days in to her being home. I had to
get my baby to her. I arrived back in Michigan 2 days later with my baby and
husband. She saw him, recognized him and he recognized her. As I held him close
to her he kept inching closer to his grandma who I think he remembered had
cared for him and loved him.
The next day things took a turn for the worse. She did
very little talking, no eating and little drinking. She was dying.
Even though hospice nurses and aides came daily my sister
and I did a lot of her care. Which was both meaningful and frightening. At this
point we had to keep her comfortable. We did not want mom to be in pain.
The last night of her life my sister and I got up hourly
to give her pain meds. I think we were slightly delirious but it was worth it
for her to not feel pain.
The next morning I noticed her breathing was less and
less. I called my family into her room and we were with her as she took her
last breath. Her last breath was at 9:50am on Tuesday, November 3rd, 2015.
When she was gone there was a sense of peace. During the days
leading up to her death it appeared that she was half in our world and half in the
next. She was ready to move on and we had to let her go.
The funeral was a celebration of her life. We put up
pictures, picked out beautiful flowers, Had people write memories on cards and
gave forget me not seeds for people to plant in her memory.
I hoped she was looking down on us and feeling proud. She
was the best person I have ever known and my life will not be the same without
her.
My life changed forever at 9:50am on Tuesday, November
3rd, 2015.
